Posts Tagged ‘ramblings’

Fear of Clowns, Chickens, and Other Phobias….

May 2, 2011

I was dozing on the bed yesterday, with the television on, when all of a sudden a clown came on the screen.  I mean a real CLOWN.   Not someone you call a clown, but a colorful circus type clown.  It scared me.  I could not go back to sleep.  In fact, the vision would not leave my brain all night last night.  It was not a restful night for me.  This leads me to wonder, how many other people are disturbed or upset by seeing clowns?  So, today I did a bit of research.  Did you know that there is a “condition” for the fear of clowns?  No laughing now.  It is called “Coulrophobia.”  Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.  I have NO doubts that I have that condition.  I SERIOUSLY have that condition.  There are therapists that will treat you for that.  How would they do that I wonder?  Would you have to attend a lot of circuses?  Are there even circuses going around anymore? There’s clowns for hire in the phonebook.  Would you have to hire one to come to your house?  Boy, that could get expensive.  Tuesdays and Thursdays,  you pay to see a therapist.   Saturdays, you pay for a clown to make a house call.  I have been wanting to write a book.  Maybe this is what I should write about?  “How to Cure Yourself of Coulrophobia in 30 Days.”  A self-help handbook.  I could put pictures of clowns in it, just not in the first 3 or 4 chapters.  Definitely NOT on the cover.  A big clown face on the front would scare off potential buyers.  They’d never get inside the cover!   I could do a whole series of these self-help books.  There’s “Dentophobia,” fear of the dentist  (I have that, everybody has that!).  “Agorophobia,” includes fear of elevators (you know any cats who like elevators?!).  “Aviophobia,” fear of flying (I definitely have that!).  “Trypanophobia,” fear of shots and needles (ask my vetrinarian how I feel about that one!).  “Arachnophobia,” fear of spiders (many people have this, but I view spiders as little toys).  I found out that more than 19 million Americans have at least 1 type of phobia.   Phobias are brought on due to genetics, brain chemistry, and traumatic events.  A phobia starts as a fear.  When the fear causes stress, interferes with your life, or becomes excessive, it is a phobia.  “Alektorophobia” is fear of chickens (if you know anything about me, you would know that is a phobia I do NOT have!).  I do, however, have “Lack-of-Alektoro-Phobia.”  I become very fearful when there is no chicken in my bowl at dinner time.   In fact, that is what I should write a book about and make sure the people who feed me get the FIRST copy…………..more later……….T.W.

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CRASH vs ACCIDENT…

December 8, 2010

“The woman” got her vehicle’s oil changed at the dealership yesterday.  While there, she had conversation in the waiting area with a local news station employee and a retired deputy sheriff.  It was a fun and enlightening conversation. What was most interesting:  that the news media no longer calls car accidents “accidents,” they are now “crashes.”  “The woman” was like “SERIOUSLY?!!”  The answer was a resounding “yes!,”  due to insurance laws.  So this morning, we had a local news program on (a different station) for the weather report, and we heard there’s a “crash” on I-84, there’s a “crash” on the Sunset Highway, there’s a “crash” on Powell Boulevard @ 39th.  So I guess now when you “accidentally” back up and bump your mailbox and embarrassingly tell people what you did, you could make it accurate and you will not be being melodramatic.  “I was backing up, and I just CRASHED in to the mailbox.”  Throw a “POW” in there and you really embellish it.  Good grief!  What’s next?!!…..more later………..T.W.

That Annual Holiday Letter…

November 28, 2010

Well, it has been awhile!  I have just been uninspired the last few months.  A case of the “doldrums.”   Luckily, I have snapped out of it just in time for the hustle and bustle of the “season of brotherly love.”  (I am keeping out religious overtones–you will understand this statement when you read on.)  So a couple of days after Thanksgiving, I am thinking time to at least say something.  Scanning the newspaper for inspiration, I saw an article on how to write those annual ‘form’ letters some of you send out either with your Christmas card, or cheaper yet, alone or via e-mail.   “The Oregonian”  article said that your letter should be a treat.  Seriously, for REAL? (heh, heh, heh)  Here is what is suggested your letter should contain:  1) The Date (duh);   2) Be Genuine and Stay Upbeat (I guess saying “Times are Tough, Times are Hard, Here’s Your F-ing Christmas Card” is out?);   3) Keep Detail to a Minimum (I agree with that.   I know you are a great  grandmother  BUT do I need to hear about it even more at Christmas? Most definitely NOT. THANK YOU.  I do not talk about my fleas.  I do not need to hear that “Johnny” is getting “Matchbox: Stinky the Garbage Truck” for Christmas and that you stood in line 2 hours at Wal-Mart to get it for $49.  My fleas are way more interesting, purrsonally;   4) Use Humor and Self Deprecation.  (That’s hilarious.  While some of  “the woman’s”  friends are funny, they would never think of putting themselve’s down.  Are ya kidding me?);   5) Use a Conversational Tone.  (This blog is a good example of that, don’t you think?);   6) Hit Highlights Without Bragging. (For example, “I like vodka with cranberry juice but have discovered that if I drink too much, I can projectile vomit from 8-feet.  That is doorway to toilet without a miss.”  That is an example of what NOT to say;    7) Keep Out the Religious Overtones. (Probably should not have followed the “vomit” topic with this one, but I am going in order.  I am thankful for my God, but i do not preach this.  I leave folks up to their own beliefs and their own relationship with what they deem as their higher power.  I don’t even know what I don’t even know so why would I expound on telling anyone else what they should be doing;   8) Add a Personal Note, an Excellent Way to Close your Letter. 

Here is my Purrsonal Note:

May this season find you well.  May this season find you happy.  Try to find one thing to like about, and give compliment to, someone else.  Do at least one nice thing this next year to make a difference in someone else’s life.  And lastly, because I, myself, am a mischief-maker, if you can not be good, at least be VERY good at being bad!  Happy Holidays………..T.W.

Three Things I Have Learned From Oprah…

November 30, 2009

I, along with the rest of the world, had some bad news lately.  Oprah is ending her television show.  I should not have to tell anyone who Oprah is.  “O-P-R-A-H” is five letters that stand for over 20 years of life-changing television.  Oprah has done shows on important topics, and had guests that no one else would ever be able to do or have.  We also got “Dr. Phil” and the relative new-comer “Dr. Oz” from Oprah.  While, I am not an “Oprah Boomer” as I am only 6 years old (in human years), I have spent a cozy hour on a lap listening to her almost 5 times a week during those past 6 years.  I am going to miss that.  Here are the 3 Things that have been instilled in my brain via Oprah:  1)”When  someone shows you who they are, believe them,”   2) “You reap what you sow,”  and 3) “Go off and do good in the world.”   I, as well as all of you, now have only 20 more months to stock up on more “Oprah-isms.”  Of course, along with stocking up on her valuable life-changing phrases and advice, we have to put them to use by practicing them…….more later….T.W.