Posts Tagged ‘life’

Fear of Clowns, Chickens, and Other Phobias….

May 2, 2011

I was dozing on the bed yesterday, with the television on, when all of a sudden a clown came on the screen.  I mean a real CLOWN.   Not someone you call a clown, but a colorful circus type clown.  It scared me.  I could not go back to sleep.  In fact, the vision would not leave my brain all night last night.  It was not a restful night for me.  This leads me to wonder, how many other people are disturbed or upset by seeing clowns?  So, today I did a bit of research.  Did you know that there is a “condition” for the fear of clowns?  No laughing now.  It is called “Coulrophobia.”  Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.  I have NO doubts that I have that condition.  I SERIOUSLY have that condition.  There are therapists that will treat you for that.  How would they do that I wonder?  Would you have to attend a lot of circuses?  Are there even circuses going around anymore? There’s clowns for hire in the phonebook.  Would you have to hire one to come to your house?  Boy, that could get expensive.  Tuesdays and Thursdays,  you pay to see a therapist.   Saturdays, you pay for a clown to make a house call.  I have been wanting to write a book.  Maybe this is what I should write about?  “How to Cure Yourself of Coulrophobia in 30 Days.”  A self-help handbook.  I could put pictures of clowns in it, just not in the first 3 or 4 chapters.  Definitely NOT on the cover.  A big clown face on the front would scare off potential buyers.  They’d never get inside the cover!   I could do a whole series of these self-help books.  There’s “Dentophobia,” fear of the dentist  (I have that, everybody has that!).  “Agorophobia,” includes fear of elevators (you know any cats who like elevators?!).  “Aviophobia,” fear of flying (I definitely have that!).  “Trypanophobia,” fear of shots and needles (ask my vetrinarian how I feel about that one!).  “Arachnophobia,” fear of spiders (many people have this, but I view spiders as little toys).  I found out that more than 19 million Americans have at least 1 type of phobia.   Phobias are brought on due to genetics, brain chemistry, and traumatic events.  A phobia starts as a fear.  When the fear causes stress, interferes with your life, or becomes excessive, it is a phobia.  “Alektorophobia” is fear of chickens (if you know anything about me, you would know that is a phobia I do NOT have!).  I do, however, have “Lack-of-Alektoro-Phobia.”  I become very fearful when there is no chicken in my bowl at dinner time.   In fact, that is what I should write a book about and make sure the people who feed me get the FIRST copy…………..more later……….T.W.

My Friend “Piglet”

May 2, 2011

Today, I am paying tribute to my funny friend, Piglet.  Piglet recently left for “kitty heaven.”  While there is nothing funny about losing a loved one, you can look back and remember the humorous times.

Piglet lived in a trailer, in a trailer park, on the Oregon coast. Piglet loved to sit in the window, facing the ocean, next to a warm computer.  Piglet would sit there for HOURS “people watching.”  Piglet also liked to escape because he loved the “thrill of the chase.”  That would be, everyone chasing HIM.  He would always return, when HE felt like it.  It was not like Piglet would go very far.  Afterall, he lived right across the street from a huge body of water, the Pacific Ocean.  But Piglet was always looking for opportunity.  When he did escape, he always came next door for a visit.  Piglet liked “the woman” as she would always go up to his window and talk to the “Piggy.”  Once, “the woman” left her front door ajar, and the escaped “Piggy” came over, snuck in undetected, and made his way back to the bedroom.  Once back there, he let out a LOUD hello.  The scream he got in response sent him back out the door at about 85 miles per hour.   He then went under her place and stayed out of reach for over an hour, causing everyone to stand around waiting for him to come out.  Luckily, it was a nice day.  Maybe Piglet did not get enough “mad dashes” in his life, or did not get as much exercise living in a smaller space.   Regardless, diabetes can be very mean to a cat.

Well, Piglet, my friend, I hope wherever you are, you have a cozy window seat with the sun smiling on you, and a beautiful view.  Save ME a spot!………more later………T.W.

CRASH vs ACCIDENT…

December 8, 2010

“The woman” got her vehicle’s oil changed at the dealership yesterday.  While there, she had conversation in the waiting area with a local news station employee and a retired deputy sheriff.  It was a fun and enlightening conversation. What was most interesting:  that the news media no longer calls car accidents “accidents,” they are now “crashes.”  “The woman” was like “SERIOUSLY?!!”  The answer was a resounding “yes!,”  due to insurance laws.  So this morning, we had a local news program on (a different station) for the weather report, and we heard there’s a “crash” on I-84, there’s a “crash” on the Sunset Highway, there’s a “crash” on Powell Boulevard @ 39th.  So I guess now when you “accidentally” back up and bump your mailbox and embarrassingly tell people what you did, you could make it accurate and you will not be being melodramatic.  “I was backing up, and I just CRASHED in to the mailbox.”  Throw a “POW” in there and you really embellish it.  Good grief!  What’s next?!!…..more later………..T.W.

A Cat Can’t Change It’s Spots…

November 28, 2010

I got scolded this evening for leaving a trail of kitty litter across the laundry room floor by “the woman.”  I was asked why I can’t “Shake-Off” as I exit the cat box.  For real.  Shake-off?  I had an idea of another word (with less letters) that could go with “off.”  I would never say it, of course, just think it.  So “she” is tired of sweeping up after me.  You would think I left the toilet seat up or something.  Actually, I would think that would be worse?  I have “exited” my box the same way for over 5 years.  Why should I change my customary method of operation?  It works for me.  I am getting older and can not remember new changes to old routines!  Moral of this story:  You cannot teach an old cat new tricks…………………more later….. T.W.

That Annual Holiday Letter…

November 28, 2010

Well, it has been awhile!  I have just been uninspired the last few months.  A case of the “doldrums.”   Luckily, I have snapped out of it just in time for the hustle and bustle of the “season of brotherly love.”  (I am keeping out religious overtones–you will understand this statement when you read on.)  So a couple of days after Thanksgiving, I am thinking time to at least say something.  Scanning the newspaper for inspiration, I saw an article on how to write those annual ‘form’ letters some of you send out either with your Christmas card, or cheaper yet, alone or via e-mail.   “The Oregonian”  article said that your letter should be a treat.  Seriously, for REAL? (heh, heh, heh)  Here is what is suggested your letter should contain:  1) The Date (duh);   2) Be Genuine and Stay Upbeat (I guess saying “Times are Tough, Times are Hard, Here’s Your F-ing Christmas Card” is out?);   3) Keep Detail to a Minimum (I agree with that.   I know you are a great  grandmother  BUT do I need to hear about it even more at Christmas? Most definitely NOT. THANK YOU.  I do not talk about my fleas.  I do not need to hear that “Johnny” is getting “Matchbox: Stinky the Garbage Truck” for Christmas and that you stood in line 2 hours at Wal-Mart to get it for $49.  My fleas are way more interesting, purrsonally;   4) Use Humor and Self Deprecation.  (That’s hilarious.  While some of  “the woman’s”  friends are funny, they would never think of putting themselve’s down.  Are ya kidding me?);   5) Use a Conversational Tone.  (This blog is a good example of that, don’t you think?);   6) Hit Highlights Without Bragging. (For example, “I like vodka with cranberry juice but have discovered that if I drink too much, I can projectile vomit from 8-feet.  That is doorway to toilet without a miss.”  That is an example of what NOT to say;    7) Keep Out the Religious Overtones. (Probably should not have followed the “vomit” topic with this one, but I am going in order.  I am thankful for my God, but i do not preach this.  I leave folks up to their own beliefs and their own relationship with what they deem as their higher power.  I don’t even know what I don’t even know so why would I expound on telling anyone else what they should be doing;   8) Add a Personal Note, an Excellent Way to Close your Letter. 

Here is my Purrsonal Note:

May this season find you well.  May this season find you happy.  Try to find one thing to like about, and give compliment to, someone else.  Do at least one nice thing this next year to make a difference in someone else’s life.  And lastly, because I, myself, am a mischief-maker, if you can not be good, at least be VERY good at being bad!  Happy Holidays………..T.W.

How My Life Resembles a Frying Pan…

March 12, 2010

This is how my life resembles a frying pan:  

1)  I am usually kept in the dark;

2)  Sometimes people over use me;

3)  Sometimes people leave me alone for days or weeks;

4)  Sometimes they stick it to me;

5)  Sometimes things go smooth;

6)  Sometimes people really heat me up;

7)  Sometimes they turn the heat on low and expect

      me to immediately respond; 

8)  Sometimes I get blasted with scalding hot water;

9)  Sometimes I am left to soak;

10)  Sometimes I feel scrubbed raw;

11)  Sometimes I feel dirtily shoved away;

12)  I have been told I have a “cast iron” heart at times;

I really feel I am teflon; nothing sticks to me!…………more later…….T.W.

Just Goes To Show Ya…

March 6, 2010

“The woman” finally had her appointment with the tax man.  Lots of worrying, loss of sleep, and stomach upset for a full two weeks before hand. All because she let someone’s comment get in her head.  It was one of those “the glass is half empty”  type comments.  “The woman” always tries to see the “glass” as half  full.  It is easier that way.   Life is hard enough.  (Well, not as hard if you are me, a really cute cat.   Let’s face it, I’ve got it pretty darn good!)  Have you ever noticed though, that if you think about something a certain way, and think about it hard enough, that it starts to take shape.  You become the creator of something, either good OR bad.  So someone planted the seed with “the woman.”  “You are in a different tax bracket this year, it won’t be good, you’ll have to pay probably thousands of dollars, yadda-yadda-yadda.”  It brewed, it festered, it grew legs.  She was starting to simmer in her own juices, just like a crockpot!  Thank goodness for cable television for those sleepless nights like the one the night before the appointment.  (I view watching television as a mini-vacation from my brain.)   So, “the woman” spends two hours with the tax man, who she jokingly refers to as “her new bestfriend” (B.F.F.).   She came out of the appointment more upset with herself than anyone else.  She knows better than to obsessively worry over something, when she has no idea how it will turn out. Instead of paying thousands, she’s getting back enough for ten days in Hawaii.  Just goes to show ya, the glass IS half full.

Note To Self…

March 3, 2010

“Be Gracious, Bring Out the Best In Others.”  How come that is hard, at times, to live by?  More often than not, other “beings” just annoy the hell out of me.  (Not a swear word to me, as I believe it to be a destination.)  I get annoyed by bad behavior, things being changed, and “the Kitty Katy” walking around like an “idgit” meowing to herself.   I walked by the bathroom and she was sitting in the tub talking to herself, not even five minutes ago.  It is real hard to be gracious and bring out the best in that one.   I suppose I really should make an effort coz I think she has an expiration date.   I have decided that I should have a daily list to read every morning when I get up.  Something to read and refresh myself with while “the woman” is making us “gluten-free” toast (a new and unwanted “change”).   This will be my daily “refresher course,” if you will…..

                                       NOTE TO SELF:

1)  Be Grateful For What I Have 

2)  What You Put Out Will Return to You

3)  “When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them” (Oprah)

4)  “Be Gracious, Bring Out the Best In Others”

5)  “We Must Try to Contribute Joy to the World” (Roger Ebert)

6)  “When All Else Fails, Read Dr. Seuss”  (yours truly)

7)  “Don’t Pivot On the Edge”   (yours truly)

8)  “Some People Are Shits Darling”   (Walter S. Burroughs) 

I will probably have to revise my list as the need arises OR my attitude changes……..more later………..T.W.

It’s That Time of Year….

February 28, 2010

It’s that time of year.   Spring is starting to “spring” and so are the bugs.  “The woman here” comes home from a week at the beach, and tells me about the big “ant infestation” she had while she was there.  “The woman” got up one morning to discover a piece of shredded carrot being swarmed.  Yuck.  Why do I need to hear this?  I did not go to the coast.  I was stuck here in the house.  Not that I am overly anxious to dip my toes in salt water or get sand between my toes.  So she gets to go to the beach, she needs to put up with a little inconvenience,  for cat’s sake.  In the big scheme of things, what are a thousand ants?  I had fleas once in the six years of my existence, and I can tell you that was no “day at the beach.”   So I digressed from “the story.”  “The woman” decides to try a different approach rather than risk any health dangers by using sprays or bombs.  She read somewhere in  a magazine recently that you could use “20 Mule Team” borax laundry soap/booster mixed with something to kill the ants.  (Of course you can never find the torn out article when you need it.)  The ants eat this bait and take it home to their nests.  Poof!  Bye bye ants!  The problem is, “the woman” can not remember what it is you are suppose to mix with the borax.  So she made up little plates with the borax on them.  She added baking soda to some, white granulated sugar to the others.  Sounds like she was making a buffet to me.  So no word as to whether or not it worked.  Her friend living there has not been able to tell.  However, one thing she does know,  when you first discover you’ve got the ants, spraying hairspray on them sure can make the floor STICKY.  Oh, did I leave that part out?  He-he-he……..More later………….T.W.

Caution When Bidding!….

January 29, 2010

So… “the woman here” finally got ME a higher speed internet.  No more dial-up service, yea! But now, she is a computer hog.  Surfing around ALL the time.  I have not minded coz she has been very ill with the flu, twice in 7 weeks.   It gives her something she can do while resting, or so I thought.  It turned out not to be so restful last week.  “The woman” decided she wanted a large Vera Bradley bag in the fabric pattern she already has.  These are beautiful fabric bags in different styles and fabric patterns from wallet size to duffelbags, and backpacks to luggage.  They are yummy AND spendy. However, made very well. Periodically fabric patterns are discontinued, making them hard to find.   So in the course of “us” surfing around, she discovers a bunch of them on e-Bay.  She finds one she wants to bid on, she goes to start the bidding at $2.00.  She types a “2,” when the screen flys to “you’ve bought it now.”  Oh, and for $27.99.  Her fingers did NOT hit a wrong key, she did NOT press a wrong button.  But “Bidder Beware,” she had bought the item!  “The woman” e-mailed the seller immediately as well as e-Bay.  E-Bay responded right away and at first, encouraged her to pay for her purchase.  The seller “Iris,”  responded three days later, after “the woman” kept sending her messages.  Iris’s attitude was “sorry about your luck, you bought it, pay for it.”  In fact, her message said that if “the woman” did not pay her “something” she would put a “mark” against her.  That just makes you want to “cough up” some cash, doesn’t it?  “The woman” contacted the e-Bay Resolution Department and  told them she was starting to get uncomfortable with what was going on.  “Donna”  from e-Bay responded and helped get the situation finally resolved over the course of a week.  ‘The woman” stood firm.  She will not pay $2.00 or $28.00 to ANYONE who threatens to put a “mark” against her good name and/or reputation.  It’s not the money, it’s the principal.    We are glad it was resolved correctly.  And the Vera Bradley bag?  “The woman” bid on another one, won the auction, paid and received it within 3 days.  It was a nice transaction.  And it is a beautiful bag, don’t get me wrong.  But the enthusiasm she displayed when finding one, got quickly replaced with irritation due to someone else’s bad attitude.  Isn’t it funny how that can happen?  Things start out so well…….I told “the woman” next time, buy some quilted fabric and I will help you make one.  I LOVE playing with the little spools of thread.  There is nothing to RESOLVE about that.  More later……….T.W.