A Cat Can’t Change It’s Spots…

November 28, 2010

I got scolded this evening for leaving a trail of kitty litter across the laundry room floor by “the woman.”  I was asked why I can’t “Shake-Off” as I exit the cat box.  For real.  Shake-off?  I had an idea of another word (with less letters) that could go with “off.”  I would never say it, of course, just think it.  So “she” is tired of sweeping up after me.  You would think I left the toilet seat up or something.  Actually, I would think that would be worse?  I have “exited” my box the same way for over 5 years.  Why should I change my customary method of operation?  It works for me.  I am getting older and can not remember new changes to old routines!  Moral of this story:  You cannot teach an old cat new tricks…………………more later….. T.W.

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Working With What You’ve Got…

November 28, 2010

Don’t you just love the bright and shiney things this time of year?  I do!  Tinsel.  Cellophane curling ribbon, ornaments, strands of miniture lights.  All kinds of things that could potentially harm me (a cat), or even a dog, why discriminate? Well, yesterday I discovered a new thing to add to the list.  Thumbtacks.  I discovered a box of 150 bright, shiney, gold, sharp thumbtacks.  And so I thought.  I gave it a lot of thought.  “I think these thumbtacks would look great scattered all over the kitchen floor,” my thoughts were telling me.  Gold on white.  A white faux ceramic tile floor.  Boring, especially non-festive for this time of year.  Some shiney gold things would spruce it up and make it sparkle for the holidays. It is amazing the holiday decorating you can do with what’s available to you………….more later…………….T.W.

That Annual Holiday Letter…

November 28, 2010

Well, it has been awhile!  I have just been uninspired the last few months.  A case of the “doldrums.”   Luckily, I have snapped out of it just in time for the hustle and bustle of the “season of brotherly love.”  (I am keeping out religious overtones–you will understand this statement when you read on.)  So a couple of days after Thanksgiving, I am thinking time to at least say something.  Scanning the newspaper for inspiration, I saw an article on how to write those annual ‘form’ letters some of you send out either with your Christmas card, or cheaper yet, alone or via e-mail.   “The Oregonian”  article said that your letter should be a treat.  Seriously, for REAL? (heh, heh, heh)  Here is what is suggested your letter should contain:  1) The Date (duh);   2) Be Genuine and Stay Upbeat (I guess saying “Times are Tough, Times are Hard, Here’s Your F-ing Christmas Card” is out?);   3) Keep Detail to a Minimum (I agree with that.   I know you are a great  grandmother  BUT do I need to hear about it even more at Christmas? Most definitely NOT. THANK YOU.  I do not talk about my fleas.  I do not need to hear that “Johnny” is getting “Matchbox: Stinky the Garbage Truck” for Christmas and that you stood in line 2 hours at Wal-Mart to get it for $49.  My fleas are way more interesting, purrsonally;   4) Use Humor and Self Deprecation.  (That’s hilarious.  While some of  “the woman’s”  friends are funny, they would never think of putting themselve’s down.  Are ya kidding me?);   5) Use a Conversational Tone.  (This blog is a good example of that, don’t you think?);   6) Hit Highlights Without Bragging. (For example, “I like vodka with cranberry juice but have discovered that if I drink too much, I can projectile vomit from 8-feet.  That is doorway to toilet without a miss.”  That is an example of what NOT to say;    7) Keep Out the Religious Overtones. (Probably should not have followed the “vomit” topic with this one, but I am going in order.  I am thankful for my God, but i do not preach this.  I leave folks up to their own beliefs and their own relationship with what they deem as their higher power.  I don’t even know what I don’t even know so why would I expound on telling anyone else what they should be doing;   8) Add a Personal Note, an Excellent Way to Close your Letter. 

Here is my Purrsonal Note:

May this season find you well.  May this season find you happy.  Try to find one thing to like about, and give compliment to, someone else.  Do at least one nice thing this next year to make a difference in someone else’s life.  And lastly, because I, myself, am a mischief-maker, if you can not be good, at least be VERY good at being bad!  Happy Holidays………..T.W.

Late Arrival…..

March 13, 2010

“The woman” LIKES to arrive late.  Not inappropriately late, but “fashionably” late.  When she meets friends on weekends, she IS the last one to show up, but she never “commits” to an arrival time.  She can not sit too long, due to her back, is partly why.  For appointments, she is punctual.  She is aware that when she has an appointment, she is on someone else’s time.  “The woman” is considerate that way.  So, the other day, it was thirty minutes before she was suppose to meet someone, and the person texts,  “I am here, where are you?”   “The woman” calls and says:   “I am someplace nearby,  and I will be there at the appointment time, which is 3:15.  It is now 2:45.”   The friend says:  “Well, just checking, because you are ALWAYS late!”   “The woman” is immediately bristling.  (I got a call about it before she even got home.)  So she calls the friend back, thinking she is “calling him on his comment.”   “The woman”:  “I am NOT always late.” Friend:  “When ARE you on time?”   Her:  “When it is important.”   Friend:  “What’s important?, WHAT IS IMPORTANT to you?”   Her:  (long, long pause)   Friend:  “Well?”   Her:  “I’m thinking.”  Friend:  “See!”   Her:  “Nothing.”   Friend:  “What?”   Her:  “Nothing.  Nothing is that important to me.”   Him:  “I rest my case!”   “The woman”  walks through the door as the friend is hanging up the phone.   They then sit and wait 20 minutes for their appointment to begin……….more later………..T.W.

How My Life Resembles a Frying Pan…

March 12, 2010

This is how my life resembles a frying pan:  

1)  I am usually kept in the dark;

2)  Sometimes people over use me;

3)  Sometimes people leave me alone for days or weeks;

4)  Sometimes they stick it to me;

5)  Sometimes things go smooth;

6)  Sometimes people really heat me up;

7)  Sometimes they turn the heat on low and expect

      me to immediately respond; 

8)  Sometimes I get blasted with scalding hot water;

9)  Sometimes I am left to soak;

10)  Sometimes I feel scrubbed raw;

11)  Sometimes I feel dirtily shoved away;

12)  I have been told I have a “cast iron” heart at times;

I really feel I am teflon; nothing sticks to me!…………more later…….T.W.

Present Company Included

March 7, 2010

What a beautiful sun-filled day! Spring is surely almost here, and summer not far behind.  Days like today make me want to do positive things like go outside (in my pet stroller), and visit my neighbors.  The time for barbeques and get togethers in the  warm weather is almost at hand.  SHOULD BE a fun-filled time.  Visiting and catching up with people that you have not spent much time with since the weather changed last fall, and we all went in to hibernation.  In my drousy state from my window perch, I overheard a conversation regarding just that.  A 60th birthday party is planned in May for someone “the woman” has helped through 3 surgeries  involving major cancer,  a change in residence (the 4-week “move from hell”),  and a bankruptcy, all in the past 17 months.  Back and forth from her home to his, 2-1/2 hours away.  She has done the commute to take him to the surgeries, doctor appointments, grocery shopping, and anything else he needed as he can not drive.  She has stayed with him through all the weeks of recovery.  One might think she is worthy of an invite.  The plans are being made for the family event, but apparently there will be no invitation forth coming, with no explanation as to exactly why.   Her friend, who passed away a year ago, always told her, “When you invite one person in a group, you invite them all.  NO exceptions.  If you are not inviting someone because “you” think they are a problem, they probably already KNOW you think they are a problem, they are not brain-dead.  Invite them anyway, they probably will not attend.  It is ABOUT the invitation.”  The “courtesy” of the invitation, if you ask me.  Hurt feelings are horrible things to carry around.  I have always been a chubby kitty.   People will remark on it, thinking I can not hear them.  “The Kitty Katy” is a tiny petite thing.  If you were picking teams for a volleyball game (for cats), both sides would want her.  I would be the last one picked.  I think you get the picture.  I have done my time carrying the backpack of hurt feelings around.  What I don’t get is—how can the other attendees at a gathering enjoy themselves, knowing someone is DEVASTATED at being left out?  I try to NOT put anyone on the receiving end of my poor behavior.  Over my shoulder, as this is being typed, the soon-to-be 60 year old is asking, “Who are you sticking it to now?”  The response he got was:  “Anyone and everyone, if the shoe fits wear it.  Present company included.”……………more later…………..T.W.   

(This entry dedicated to my friend:  “cupcake.”   Hugs…)

Just Goes To Show Ya…

March 6, 2010

“The woman” finally had her appointment with the tax man.  Lots of worrying, loss of sleep, and stomach upset for a full two weeks before hand. All because she let someone’s comment get in her head.  It was one of those “the glass is half empty”  type comments.  “The woman” always tries to see the “glass” as half  full.  It is easier that way.   Life is hard enough.  (Well, not as hard if you are me, a really cute cat.   Let’s face it, I’ve got it pretty darn good!)  Have you ever noticed though, that if you think about something a certain way, and think about it hard enough, that it starts to take shape.  You become the creator of something, either good OR bad.  So someone planted the seed with “the woman.”  “You are in a different tax bracket this year, it won’t be good, you’ll have to pay probably thousands of dollars, yadda-yadda-yadda.”  It brewed, it festered, it grew legs.  She was starting to simmer in her own juices, just like a crockpot!  Thank goodness for cable television for those sleepless nights like the one the night before the appointment.  (I view watching television as a mini-vacation from my brain.)   So, “the woman” spends two hours with the tax man, who she jokingly refers to as “her new bestfriend” (B.F.F.).   She came out of the appointment more upset with herself than anyone else.  She knows better than to obsessively worry over something, when she has no idea how it will turn out. Instead of paying thousands, she’s getting back enough for ten days in Hawaii.  Just goes to show ya, the glass IS half full.

“Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth!”

March 4, 2010

So, a while back, someone did what they thought was a “favor” for “the woman.”  It turned out to NOT be something she liked.  In fact, she felt it had a “negative” impact on her.  So, what would YOU do about that?  Well, the person kept asking “how do you like that?,” and “what do you think  about it?”   She would answer with a somewhat vague response.  The more this happened, the more resentful she got.  Finally when asked, she blurted out  “I don’t like it, in fact it is unacceptable.”  Woo-e, did she get an arctic blast!  (Probably the word “unacceptable.”)  The person then fired back with “Don’t Look a Gift Horse In the Mouth!”  Ok,  so what is a “gift horse” really? I am not a big history “buff.”  I am a cat, afterall.  But the limited knowledge, in my somewhat “pea-sized” brain, says that it is from “Troy,” the “helen of troy” tale.  I must have seen part of that movie, the one with Brad Pitt in it.  I probably dozed off a lot so I really only know the premise of it.   I would probably massacre the story, were I trying to relay it in it’s entirety here.  BUT I hope you get my point, without the extra dialog.   Where was I?  (I digress alot.)  Oh yeah.  So, are you being awful if you do not like the favor?  Maybe you did not want the favor.  The favor came to you the way the universe wanted to send it you (if you have watched “The Secret,” you know what I mean).   “The woman” went to do a “favor” for someone recently.  She asked the person if she could do it, the person said yes.  Then just as  it started, the person decided “no, do not want that,” and “the woman” has not heard anything more from the person since.  A little bit of a let-down, maybe, but better to find out in the beginning, I always say.  That’s why someone should ask questions, and not just assume that they know better what someone else needs then that person themself.  A lot less energy and drama is used/created by just asking a question or two, and not assuming anything.  If then the person is aggreeable, and the whole favor takes the quick road to hell, well then, that was a lesson learned.  Coz like Oprah says, “When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them.”   So “the woman”  just had two big, slightly painful, lessons in a short period of time.  I do not have to go through as much of that, being an indoor cat.  My world is smaller.   I guess now in watching all this happen to someone else, I have a better understanding of the other phrase that somewhat cancels out “Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth.”  That phrase would be “Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts.”………..more later…T.W.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished….

March 4, 2010

For me, “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished,” is up there with “Be Careful What You Wish For.”   I am superstitious, but in a weird way.  I believe in the stuff that fits MY life and the rest is “hog wash.”  I will walk under a ladder.  I have never broken a mirror, so I have no thoughts on the whole seven years of bad luck.  There’s one about putting a penny in your shoe when you get married and of course, the “something borrowed and something blue” goofy tale.  (Guess that explains the high divorce rate.)  I might possibly believe in the “Step On A Crack, Break Your Mother’s Back.”  “The woman’s” mother has broken her back several times.   That’s A LOT of bad luck.   (She is, however, extremely osteoporatic. )  “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished,” is really kind of how you look at it.  Your perspective on what happens after you do that act of kindness.  Sometimes we set our own selves up.  Like yesterday, “the Kitty Katy” missed a treat on the floor.  She ate the other 17+ put down for her, but one escaped “her royal highness.”  I am not much in to treats, what with toast (now “gluten-free”) and canned food w/yogurt for breakfast,  special-diet kibbles for lunch,  special-diet canned food with homemade gravy and bits of chicken breast for dinner, I don’t have any desire for packaged treats.  Anyway, I see that the one treat has not made it in to her tiny little “pie-hole,”  so with my paw I bat it across the floor to her.  She flicks me a glance,  scarves down the treat,  walks over to me, rips in to me verbally, then smacks me with her paw.  Right across the nose, leaving  a scratch mark. It really smarted too.  Classic example of doing a good deed and then getting punished.  As this was happening I thought to my little self,  I sure wish “the woman” could see this.  I hear a “clap” just as I am getting ready to take matters in to my own hands and work out a little “retribution.”  Next thing you know, we are both sent to the laundry room for a 60-minute “time out.”   I had been hoping for a nice warm and cozy nap on the bed.  “Be Careful What You Wish For”……..more later….T.W.

Note To Self…

March 3, 2010

“Be Gracious, Bring Out the Best In Others.”  How come that is hard, at times, to live by?  More often than not, other “beings” just annoy the hell out of me.  (Not a swear word to me, as I believe it to be a destination.)  I get annoyed by bad behavior, things being changed, and “the Kitty Katy” walking around like an “idgit” meowing to herself.   I walked by the bathroom and she was sitting in the tub talking to herself, not even five minutes ago.  It is real hard to be gracious and bring out the best in that one.   I suppose I really should make an effort coz I think she has an expiration date.   I have decided that I should have a daily list to read every morning when I get up.  Something to read and refresh myself with while “the woman” is making us “gluten-free” toast (a new and unwanted “change”).   This will be my daily “refresher course,” if you will…..

                                       NOTE TO SELF:

1)  Be Grateful For What I Have 

2)  What You Put Out Will Return to You

3)  “When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them” (Oprah)

4)  “Be Gracious, Bring Out the Best In Others”

5)  “We Must Try to Contribute Joy to the World” (Roger Ebert)

6)  “When All Else Fails, Read Dr. Seuss”  (yours truly)

7)  “Don’t Pivot On the Edge”   (yours truly)

8)  “Some People Are Shits Darling”   (Walter S. Burroughs) 

I will probably have to revise my list as the need arises OR my attitude changes……..more later………..T.W.